I've made the move to WordPress...all blog posts and comments have been saved.
douggernaut.wordpress.com
Well we're 'on up,
To the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin' on up
To the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie.
Peace and Good Things :)
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Past In Present
A whole blog of many parts...
So it's an 8 instead of a 7...what else?
I don't feel like it's a new year yet. I don't know why I expected some kind of change, I suppose it's the idealist in me. New year, new chances: no letdowns yet, and the unabashed possibility of dreams coming true. But, it has been very much the same. My break has for the vast majority consisted of waking up, going to the gym, working on med school stuff, watching Entourage reruns, practicing Last 5 Years, rehearsing Last 5 Years and then possibly going out with friends from home. Outside of a wonderful New Year's Eve (sorry to those confused by my NYE abbreviation in the past), I've missed my Masque friends both at La Salle and graduated. I have a good amount of routine to look forward this coming semester, I was hoping break would be like it always has been--spur of the moment "let's hang out"s from friends, random road trips and wonderful stuff like that. It's not that bad, but whatever it is I'm not the hugest fan of it--it's fine for the day to day but my break shouldn't be that.
I'm a Maverick, I mean...I'm writing one.
I've been writing a Maverick. It's a sentimental story revolving around the principle that whatever you do, if you do it out of love and honest motive, things will work out. Sounds sappy, I know. Of the few people who've read it so far (and by few I mean one), I got the feedback that it's "sweet." I may have to tweak it because I don't want the show ending with people feeling sorry for the protagonist, I want it to be life-affirming--that good things will come to those plugging away for the right reasons. I hope it gets accepted. I mean firstly, because I put a good bit of time in on it so far (and will continue to) and secondly because I'd like to see a balance to either depressing drama or hilarious comedy.
I am but a shadow...for now
I've been shadowing my GP over break. That's "family doc" in English. I walked in the first day and he put me in a white coat. When I tell you no lie he picked a coat out of this closet and it fit me like I just got measured for a suit. Then he proceeded to find patients on his list for the day who I could talk to and I'm thinking, well yeah that's nice.
He put me in the room with the person for five minutes and he left telling me just to "talk to them." Mind you I'd just taken off my hat and scarf about 2 minutes prior. But I couldn't freak out. And you know what? It wasn't stressful. It was wonderful! I mean, I love talking to people. I asked why they went to the doctor I was shadowing, what they thought about healthcare. They asked me about why I wanted to become a doctor and what I was thinking about pursuing. The variety of people I talked to was amazing. A young successful video journalist, followed by a middle-aged disability receiving former-junkie stroke victim. The day ended with and recent ex-con with bipolar disorder. But you know what? It's true when doctors say that they're not there to judge, they're there to treat. It didn't matter what they did, they needed help and that's all you can really think about.
In short: I have never before been so sure that this is the profession for me. It's science, it's helping and healing, it's giving back and most importantly it's interacting with people on a very fundamental level, and developing relationships which are treasured.
Surgeon General's Warning: Doug may be hazardous to your mental health
For the sole reason that my mind works more overtime than James Evans on Good Times, I got to thinking one day about what I do that I don't like. I believe we're all constantly changing and so I thought to myself that vacation time is a good time for self-evaluation. I came up with some thoughts, and I'm pretty much asking forgiveness in advance:
So much present, inside my present
Inside my present
So, so much past
Peace and Good Things :)
So it's an 8 instead of a 7...what else?
I don't feel like it's a new year yet. I don't know why I expected some kind of change, I suppose it's the idealist in me. New year, new chances: no letdowns yet, and the unabashed possibility of dreams coming true. But, it has been very much the same. My break has for the vast majority consisted of waking up, going to the gym, working on med school stuff, watching Entourage reruns, practicing Last 5 Years, rehearsing Last 5 Years and then possibly going out with friends from home. Outside of a wonderful New Year's Eve (sorry to those confused by my NYE abbreviation in the past), I've missed my Masque friends both at La Salle and graduated. I have a good amount of routine to look forward this coming semester, I was hoping break would be like it always has been--spur of the moment "let's hang out"s from friends, random road trips and wonderful stuff like that. It's not that bad, but whatever it is I'm not the hugest fan of it--it's fine for the day to day but my break shouldn't be that.
I'm a Maverick, I mean...I'm writing one.
I've been writing a Maverick. It's a sentimental story revolving around the principle that whatever you do, if you do it out of love and honest motive, things will work out. Sounds sappy, I know. Of the few people who've read it so far (and by few I mean one), I got the feedback that it's "sweet." I may have to tweak it because I don't want the show ending with people feeling sorry for the protagonist, I want it to be life-affirming--that good things will come to those plugging away for the right reasons. I hope it gets accepted. I mean firstly, because I put a good bit of time in on it so far (and will continue to) and secondly because I'd like to see a balance to either depressing drama or hilarious comedy.
I am but a shadow...for now
I've been shadowing my GP over break. That's "family doc" in English. I walked in the first day and he put me in a white coat. When I tell you no lie he picked a coat out of this closet and it fit me like I just got measured for a suit. Then he proceeded to find patients on his list for the day who I could talk to and I'm thinking, well yeah that's nice.
He put me in the room with the person for five minutes and he left telling me just to "talk to them." Mind you I'd just taken off my hat and scarf about 2 minutes prior. But I couldn't freak out. And you know what? It wasn't stressful. It was wonderful! I mean, I love talking to people. I asked why they went to the doctor I was shadowing, what they thought about healthcare. They asked me about why I wanted to become a doctor and what I was thinking about pursuing. The variety of people I talked to was amazing. A young successful video journalist, followed by a middle-aged disability receiving former-junkie stroke victim. The day ended with and recent ex-con with bipolar disorder. But you know what? It's true when doctors say that they're not there to judge, they're there to treat. It didn't matter what they did, they needed help and that's all you can really think about.
In short: I have never before been so sure that this is the profession for me. It's science, it's helping and healing, it's giving back and most importantly it's interacting with people on a very fundamental level, and developing relationships which are treasured.
Surgeon General's Warning: Doug may be hazardous to your mental health
For the sole reason that my mind works more overtime than James Evans on Good Times, I got to thinking one day about what I do that I don't like. I believe we're all constantly changing and so I thought to myself that vacation time is a good time for self-evaluation. I came up with some thoughts, and I'm pretty much asking forgiveness in advance:
- I know I'm a hypocrite sometimes. Prime example: I hate it when people are vague with me, yet I love having people try and guess at things before I reveal the answer. I don't do it out of spite or hate or anything, it just happens. So yeah, I'm working on that.
- When I give advice, please know it is out of a genuine spirit of wanting to be helpful. I know, "the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry..."I don't pretend to be an expert on certain things, and I'll let you know that. I realize that sometimes (more often than I think in fact) I sound preachy. I don't want to. I think about advice I give a lot before I say it, or write it. I'll go over something three times just to make sure it's what I want to say. Therefore, when I say it I feel that confident--sometimes overly so--in what I say and it just comes off like I want to be the authority on something that I know I'm not an authority of. I'm sorry. It's something I try to avoid. Please realize the care I put into such endeavors. If I'm writing in this capacity to you, I write because I care and I want the best for you.
- I am a proud flip-flopper and I think we should all be so. In a crude summary, to quote The Big Lebowski: "New shit has come to light, man!" In more eloquent terms, we're always learning new things, and thinking in new ways simply because we've had more time to contemplate them. If I happen to change my stance, ask me, and I'll give reasoning for it. Embrace the flip-flop. Some things never change, some things do--but never without reason (at least in my mind).
- I want to help and be a part of things. If you haven't noticed I invest myself heavily in things I get involved in. It's to the point where I'm clingy sometimes, and for that I apologize because it means I let myself get out of control. But if I may offer a humble suggestion: take advantage of the effort I'm willing to put out. I may not be the most knowledgeable, the most skilled, the most naturally-gifted at a lot of things. But I'm not the worst, and I've got the spirit in me to try my hardest. So don't let me pass by. It's happened before, and I know I haven't been happy about it.
So much present, inside my present
Inside my present
So, so much past
Peace and Good Things :)
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Better Days
I'm starting a new tradition. My style is loosely based on the way William Penn wrote Some Fruits of Solitude which I discovered while researching the Harry Potter VII epigraph. Part re-cap, part philosophical treatise. Warning: long entry. Without further ado:
Doug's Year In Review
On Academics
I'm at a point in my life where I'm coming to embrace the fact that I will be learning all my life. Doctors repeatedly go up for recertification, in which they have to be up to date in new procedures and knowledge. And I've discovered, I honestly enjoy the classes I choose to take--that is to say my major classes and electives outside my major. There's something that attracts me to a greater understanding of not only human biology, but the many things my scattered brain is interested in (economics and the environment to name a couple). Prepping my GPA and my MCAT skills have been an exercise in patience, when I take into account all of 2007. I'm learning how difficult it is to ace all my courses like freshman year went. While I could do excellently in the classes independent of each other, the fact is I have five courses per semester...and I need to do well in all of them. I think I've found the way, and I'll continue to. Watch out med schools, I'm ready to play your game and win.
On Friendship
One of the few areas of my life where I rather like not knowing what comes next. I couldn't have predicted who I've fallen off from and who I've grown closer to. But I like where I'm at because I enjoy the company I've found there. For one example, I feel a lot closer to some people in my major, but they're not great people solely because of what they do in biology. I don't know what to attribute not knowing them as well before to, but I'm glad they're my friends. I couldn't tell you why now is the time we've grown closer either. It's been that way with a few different groups of folks this year. It's also been a year of discovering how to hold onto good friends. I went through my first year where commencement was a coming to terms with "how am I going to maintain being friends with these people when they're gone." I'd say it's been a general success. In fact, oddly enough, some of my relationships with people have improved since they've graduated. All considered, very happy on this front.
On Love
Some things have changed a lot in 2007. But then, as I've recently looked back on old journals both web-based and personal, some things did not budge. I should clarify I'm talking about romantic love here. I love my friends in another way, and I love other things and concepts in a different way. Of the thoughts of mine that have changed over the year, the grandest is this: I think now that if romantic love is real, it's not something that can be outgrown. As one changes (as all of us do, in some thought process or another), the other cannot seem static whether they actually are or not. I believe the connection of love is a tie stronger than that. In that sense, I don't think I've found romantic love yet in life. But, I'm the eternal optimist. I'd like to think it will happen. And I do have my hopes.
On Religion
Religion has been something that's grown focussed for me in college, and this past year was no change. I'm still a Roman Catholic, no that hasn't changed. But, I think as time goes on we all gradually find why we believe things. I'd like to think I'm moving closer to God as an ally, a friend in life rather than that distant being. Every day, I feel like I see more of God on Earth. That could be in the classroom as I understand how the body works, it could be when I see a random act of kindness, or grow closer to a friend. Christmas having just passed, I spent a fair bit of time in awe of the concept of Jesus being born as a gift--the gift, really, that keeps on giving. I feel confident that there is some providence out there for us, not "fate," but a comfort that seems to say: as my life has been good, it will continue to be, despite those times when I don't feel that way. And that feeling doesn't necessarily come from afar, but from those random acts, and interaction with friends and loved ones.
On Politics
I'll keep this short because they frustrate me. I'm glad I finally voted for a winner: Michael Nutter moving into the mayorship. Give him time folks, it'll take a while to fix the corrupt disaster Street has left. In a similar situation, I favor an Edwards (Pres), Obama (Veep) ticket for the democrats for the presidency. Again, give them time folks, it'll take a while to fix the corrupt disaster Bush has left. My thoughts on politics haven't changed much outside of my having the environment and energy as higher priorities when discerning political leanings.
On Music(als)
This covers both. So I've been acting for a bit over a year, and I land a dream role. Urinetown leaves me with happy memories, as did The Philadelphia Story, and to a lesser extent but still, Jekyll and Hyde. Now I'm what I call "Micahel Borton-ing" a show (playing piano/conducting/music directing) for the Make-A-Wish foundation (The Last Five Years--come see it)! It's so odd to be on that side of things, and it makes me appreciate what Mike's done so much more. It's an adventure. In terms of music, I went to [EDIT] three concerts: The Who, The Police, and The Decemberists with the Mann Center Orchestra. I've only previously been to Ben Folds (with an orchestra, which still kicked ass) and Rockapella. My tastes are drifting back to include what I've neglected for some time--jazz and classical. I've leaned rock/pop/musicals from late high school into college. Not that I'm moving away from them, but I'm reincorporating the old into my iTunes library. Apple must think I'm nuts, ordering Mahler, Chopin, Daft Punk, Muse, Duke Ellington, Boyz II Men and Kanye all in one sitting (thanks to a gift card!). Time for my awards of the year in terms of music though:
Album of the Year: Graduation by Kanye West. ("You don't see just how fly my style is?")
Artist of the Year: Kanye West (it's just got to go to him, runner up to Amy Winehouse. Just like Jimmy Rollins, he put the money where his mouth was.)
Comeback Artist of the Year: Bruce Springsteen, I didn't think the Boss could recover from recent mediocrities but he did.
New Artist of the Year: tie: Feist and Corinne Bailey Rae
Group of the Year: tie: Maroon 5 and White Stripes (what's better, working with Andy Samburg or writing in a rock bagpipes?)
Group I Like, but Wins No Awards: Jimmy Eat World (consistently good, but not award worthy)
WTF Did You Do?: Avril Lavigne, seriously I didn't know people could revert to a suckiness they never had before. Your brat-pop makes my ears cry.
Exciting New Conductor: Gustavo Dudamel. Just listen to the stuff he gets out of a youth orchestra, and watch him on YouTube. Outstanding, the next Bernstein.
Catchy As Hell: Finger Eleven's Paralyzer...I was humming this for months from snippets I'd heard before I found the actual song.
Reunion of the Year: The Police. Sorry Spice Girls, but the Police concert made my life and you're just, well, old...and sorry Led Zeppelin, but you haven't got all your original members.
On Life
To sum up, '07 was good (not great). I got an academic kick in the ass that I needed. Relationships were a learning experience for personal improvement. Friendships were and are strong. Dare I say it, but I'm a pre-med and I'm having fun and getting the job done! There are some things I'm hoping for, but we'll see if they come true or not in '08. Chief goal for '08--find more reasons to smile. As for the song/title...well, we can always hope for better and for dreams to come true.
Tag Lines for '07
and i try to make this good and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Peace and Good Things :)
Doug's Year In Review
On Academics
I'm at a point in my life where I'm coming to embrace the fact that I will be learning all my life. Doctors repeatedly go up for recertification, in which they have to be up to date in new procedures and knowledge. And I've discovered, I honestly enjoy the classes I choose to take--that is to say my major classes and electives outside my major. There's something that attracts me to a greater understanding of not only human biology, but the many things my scattered brain is interested in (economics and the environment to name a couple). Prepping my GPA and my MCAT skills have been an exercise in patience, when I take into account all of 2007. I'm learning how difficult it is to ace all my courses like freshman year went. While I could do excellently in the classes independent of each other, the fact is I have five courses per semester...and I need to do well in all of them. I think I've found the way, and I'll continue to. Watch out med schools, I'm ready to play your game and win.
On Friendship
One of the few areas of my life where I rather like not knowing what comes next. I couldn't have predicted who I've fallen off from and who I've grown closer to. But I like where I'm at because I enjoy the company I've found there. For one example, I feel a lot closer to some people in my major, but they're not great people solely because of what they do in biology. I don't know what to attribute not knowing them as well before to, but I'm glad they're my friends. I couldn't tell you why now is the time we've grown closer either. It's been that way with a few different groups of folks this year. It's also been a year of discovering how to hold onto good friends. I went through my first year where commencement was a coming to terms with "how am I going to maintain being friends with these people when they're gone." I'd say it's been a general success. In fact, oddly enough, some of my relationships with people have improved since they've graduated. All considered, very happy on this front.
On Love
Some things have changed a lot in 2007. But then, as I've recently looked back on old journals both web-based and personal, some things did not budge. I should clarify I'm talking about romantic love here. I love my friends in another way, and I love other things and concepts in a different way. Of the thoughts of mine that have changed over the year, the grandest is this: I think now that if romantic love is real, it's not something that can be outgrown. As one changes (as all of us do, in some thought process or another), the other cannot seem static whether they actually are or not. I believe the connection of love is a tie stronger than that. In that sense, I don't think I've found romantic love yet in life. But, I'm the eternal optimist. I'd like to think it will happen. And I do have my hopes.
On Religion
Religion has been something that's grown focussed for me in college, and this past year was no change. I'm still a Roman Catholic, no that hasn't changed. But, I think as time goes on we all gradually find why we believe things. I'd like to think I'm moving closer to God as an ally, a friend in life rather than that distant being. Every day, I feel like I see more of God on Earth. That could be in the classroom as I understand how the body works, it could be when I see a random act of kindness, or grow closer to a friend. Christmas having just passed, I spent a fair bit of time in awe of the concept of Jesus being born as a gift--the gift, really, that keeps on giving. I feel confident that there is some providence out there for us, not "fate," but a comfort that seems to say: as my life has been good, it will continue to be, despite those times when I don't feel that way. And that feeling doesn't necessarily come from afar, but from those random acts, and interaction with friends and loved ones.
On Politics
I'll keep this short because they frustrate me. I'm glad I finally voted for a winner: Michael Nutter moving into the mayorship. Give him time folks, it'll take a while to fix the corrupt disaster Street has left. In a similar situation, I favor an Edwards (Pres), Obama (Veep) ticket for the democrats for the presidency. Again, give them time folks, it'll take a while to fix the corrupt disaster Bush has left. My thoughts on politics haven't changed much outside of my having the environment and energy as higher priorities when discerning political leanings.
On Music(als)
This covers both. So I've been acting for a bit over a year, and I land a dream role. Urinetown leaves me with happy memories, as did The Philadelphia Story, and to a lesser extent but still, Jekyll and Hyde. Now I'm what I call "Micahel Borton-ing" a show (playing piano/conducting/music directing) for the Make-A-Wish foundation (The Last Five Years--come see it)! It's so odd to be on that side of things, and it makes me appreciate what Mike's done so much more. It's an adventure. In terms of music, I went to [EDIT] three concerts: The Who, The Police, and The Decemberists with the Mann Center Orchestra. I've only previously been to Ben Folds (with an orchestra, which still kicked ass) and Rockapella. My tastes are drifting back to include what I've neglected for some time--jazz and classical. I've leaned rock/pop/musicals from late high school into college. Not that I'm moving away from them, but I'm reincorporating the old into my iTunes library. Apple must think I'm nuts, ordering Mahler, Chopin, Daft Punk, Muse, Duke Ellington, Boyz II Men and Kanye all in one sitting (thanks to a gift card!). Time for my awards of the year in terms of music though:
Album of the Year: Graduation by Kanye West. ("You don't see just how fly my style is?")
Artist of the Year: Kanye West (it's just got to go to him, runner up to Amy Winehouse. Just like Jimmy Rollins, he put the money where his mouth was.)
Comeback Artist of the Year: Bruce Springsteen, I didn't think the Boss could recover from recent mediocrities but he did.
New Artist of the Year: tie: Feist and Corinne Bailey Rae
Group of the Year: tie: Maroon 5 and White Stripes (what's better, working with Andy Samburg or writing in a rock bagpipes?)
Group I Like, but Wins No Awards: Jimmy Eat World (consistently good, but not award worthy)
WTF Did You Do?: Avril Lavigne, seriously I didn't know people could revert to a suckiness they never had before. Your brat-pop makes my ears cry.
Exciting New Conductor: Gustavo Dudamel. Just listen to the stuff he gets out of a youth orchestra, and watch him on YouTube. Outstanding, the next Bernstein.
Catchy As Hell: Finger Eleven's Paralyzer...I was humming this for months from snippets I'd heard before I found the actual song.
Reunion of the Year: The Police. Sorry Spice Girls, but the Police concert made my life and you're just, well, old...and sorry Led Zeppelin, but you haven't got all your original members.
On Life
To sum up, '07 was good (not great). I got an academic kick in the ass that I needed. Relationships were a learning experience for personal improvement. Friendships were and are strong. Dare I say it, but I'm a pre-med and I'm having fun and getting the job done! There are some things I'm hoping for, but we'll see if they come true or not in '08. Chief goal for '08--find more reasons to smile. As for the song/title...well, we can always hope for better and for dreams to come true.
Tag Lines for '07
- The good life won't just fall in your lap
- Sometimes the important things you do aren't the ones you've been focusing attention on.
and i try to make this good and clear
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Peace and Good Things :)
Friday, December 14, 2007
Help
I haven't written recently because it has been finals week, but I'm at home now with a nice hot cocoa, my faithful dog Danté beside me. I find it one of my extraordinary abilities (not talents, mind you) to make things that are not complicated, or complicated well enough on their own, that much more frustrating. Don't ask me how I got this "gift"--I couldn't tell you if I tried, but if you have a cure ready, I'm in the market for one.
On this note, I managed to make finals week into more of a pain personally by complicating/having complicated personal issues, writing obscenely long papers and generally being in too many places at once. It's my experience that at La Salle University, you can easily be in more than one place at one--ironically enough, physics class can be one of those places. So generally, after all of this complication, which in more than one occasion kept me up frustrated, chaotic and/or generally distraught, I crashed on Thursday.
I had two exams on Thursday, Physics in the morning and then Economics in the afternoon. From Wednesday Night into early Thursday I had come off of something very distressing, and right in the middle of my physics studying. Not good to start with. Now add 2 hours more physics studying and doing of homework problems. Sleep for 4 hours. Wake at 5:45 to clean up by 6 and resume my battle with rotational energetics. The exam went, in my opinion horrendously. Not only was I sleep-deprived and generally emotionally shot, I panicked on the exam because I saw things I practiced the night before but could not recall. I walked out of that exam into the rain which was not present on my walk over, and proceeded to trudge back to my townhouse, walking in my favorite wool sweater through the downpour.
It was Douglas and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.
I collapsed on my bed after getting some dry things on, and I just sat there numb...not physically, I had my sweater to thank for shielding me from the cold (but not the rain). Emotionally numb. I slept for an hour and woke up to prepare my economics notes.
In my preparations, I decided to visit T.J. Herrle for clarification on some economics issues in the chapel, since he practically lives there. As I was down there I noticed an accumulation of people, and I suddenly remembered that we have weekday masses. I decided that after the week, I could do for some weekday mass. It's the first time I ever decided to go. This choice sparked in me something I can't describe, because it wasn't something I consider religious--but inherently human.
There are some of us who, when in need, reach out in a private way. We don't let anybody know exactly what's wrong with us, but our actions evidence a very soul-anchored desire for healing. I found my compatriots that day at mass--my fellows in the battle against personal defeats. Misery doesn't love company...this was not misery, it was actually quite the opposite. It was an exercise in the strength of human community. While I didn't immediately feel a "eureka" moment of clarity, I felt as if we had all helped each other with our personal grievances simply by our presence there. A small community gathered for the common goal of seeking aid from the one source we could all draw on.
It'll come. I know it will. I think that the way I feel about that afternoon mass was the "all clear" sign that my problems are soon to be answered in some capacity. And that...some illogical, faith-based feeling that things will work out? That's alright by me. In fact, that's great.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self-assured,
Now I find, I've changed my mind, I've opened up the doors.
Peace and Good Things :)
P.S. Thanks to all the wonderful commenters for kind words on my previous post.
On this note, I managed to make finals week into more of a pain personally by complicating/having complicated personal issues, writing obscenely long papers and generally being in too many places at once. It's my experience that at La Salle University, you can easily be in more than one place at one--ironically enough, physics class can be one of those places. So generally, after all of this complication, which in more than one occasion kept me up frustrated, chaotic and/or generally distraught, I crashed on Thursday.
I had two exams on Thursday, Physics in the morning and then Economics in the afternoon. From Wednesday Night into early Thursday I had come off of something very distressing, and right in the middle of my physics studying. Not good to start with. Now add 2 hours more physics studying and doing of homework problems. Sleep for 4 hours. Wake at 5:45 to clean up by 6 and resume my battle with rotational energetics. The exam went, in my opinion horrendously. Not only was I sleep-deprived and generally emotionally shot, I panicked on the exam because I saw things I practiced the night before but could not recall. I walked out of that exam into the rain which was not present on my walk over, and proceeded to trudge back to my townhouse, walking in my favorite wool sweater through the downpour.
It was Douglas and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.
I collapsed on my bed after getting some dry things on, and I just sat there numb...not physically, I had my sweater to thank for shielding me from the cold (but not the rain). Emotionally numb. I slept for an hour and woke up to prepare my economics notes.
In my preparations, I decided to visit T.J. Herrle for clarification on some economics issues in the chapel, since he practically lives there. As I was down there I noticed an accumulation of people, and I suddenly remembered that we have weekday masses. I decided that after the week, I could do for some weekday mass. It's the first time I ever decided to go. This choice sparked in me something I can't describe, because it wasn't something I consider religious--but inherently human.
There are some of us who, when in need, reach out in a private way. We don't let anybody know exactly what's wrong with us, but our actions evidence a very soul-anchored desire for healing. I found my compatriots that day at mass--my fellows in the battle against personal defeats. Misery doesn't love company...this was not misery, it was actually quite the opposite. It was an exercise in the strength of human community. While I didn't immediately feel a "eureka" moment of clarity, I felt as if we had all helped each other with our personal grievances simply by our presence there. A small community gathered for the common goal of seeking aid from the one source we could all draw on.
"Hello, God? It's Doug. Yes...again. I need your help again. You see, it hasn't been a good week. I've been busy, I've wandered and wondered. I've studied my brain into overload. I've written my wrist into arthritis. I've stayed up late thinking about possibilities which seemed on the horizon, simply to have them dashed before my eyes in unknowing action. I had an awful day, and to complain to another person would just be unkind of me, as well as revealing too much. So, I've come to you again. Please, let me know if the path I'm following is the right one? Is it right for me to want what I do? Give me a sign? I need something good every now and then to keep me going. I can stomach defeat pretty well as long as I have something to look forward to. Give me that light, show me a friend I've overlooked, let something good just drop into my lap...something. Please?"
It'll come. I know it will. I think that the way I feel about that afternoon mass was the "all clear" sign that my problems are soon to be answered in some capacity. And that...some illogical, faith-based feeling that things will work out? That's alright by me. In fact, that's great.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self-assured,
Now I find, I've changed my mind, I've opened up the doors.
Peace and Good Things :)
P.S. Thanks to all the wonderful commenters for kind words on my previous post.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Hear You Me
So, I don't think I've ever had to write a blog before about someone particularly important to me who has passed away. Yesterday, the news was passed on to me that Dr. Michael Kerlin of the Philosophy department at La Salle passed away. No cause was given, but I assume it was due to a relapse of the Leukemia which kept him from us part of freshman year.
Dr. Kerlin was part of my introduction to La Salle--an introduction to the world of true college professorship. He believed in the Socratic method, but always with his own witty comments interspersed.
We still never figured out if he had creamy or dreamy blue eyes...
I remember a majority of what he taught us because he was so very special...and his lessons were so memorable. Kant's philosophy from Critique of Pure Reason as taught to us through Kerlin's famous "Kant's Box." Plato's Cave. Spinoza, Kierkegaard...the list goes onward, all in an effort to teach us to contemplate "The Good Life." I remember before we left for Dr. Butler's Lit class every day, he'd tell us to tell Butler to "get to some real teaching" or "admit [Dr. Kerlin's] superiority" to which Butler would have a chuckle and send another fictitious, humorous barb back at him. [Seen in picture, second from left receiving an award for Lifetime Lasallian education]
I also remember he would always come to the Band and Masque shows just if we asked him. We didn't have to hound him like other professors, because one time was enough. He had the interest, empathy, and care of a child--he was so knowledgeable, and yet his demeanor was as if he had everything to learn. At the end of the year, he invited us to a dinner at his home where we talked with him and his wife, finally met Tiger the cat (who was far less ferocious than he fabled the cat to be) and we realized that he's the same man he is at home that he is in the classroom.
The last time I saw Dr. Kerlin was promising. This past year during alumni weekend, I saw him at the big final celebration in the tent on the quad. He came with his wife, and they even danced! It made me so happy because it meant Dr. Kerlin would be back to deliver his fantastic brand of Philosophy to another generation of La Salle students. I've been asking people all year where he was, or how he was. I never got an answer until last night.
I want to share a quote from the Woody Allen movie Crimes and Misdemeanors because he made sure we watched this movie in its totality. The quote is from Woody Allen's character Clifford Stern:
It sums up the man. He'll have a legacy at La Salle. He'll become mythical as many great professors do. I also hope that they hang a sign over the frozen yogurt machine. Farewell to a great man.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
Peace and Good Things
Dr. Kerlin was part of my introduction to La Salle--an introduction to the world of true college professorship. He believed in the Socratic method, but always with his own witty comments interspersed.
We still never figured out if he had creamy or dreamy blue eyes...
I remember a majority of what he taught us because he was so very special...and his lessons were so memorable. Kant's philosophy from Critique of Pure Reason as taught to us through Kerlin's famous "Kant's Box." Plato's Cave. Spinoza, Kierkegaard...the list goes onward, all in an effort to teach us to contemplate "The Good Life." I remember before we left for Dr. Butler's Lit class every day, he'd tell us to tell Butler to "get to some real teaching" or "admit [Dr. Kerlin's] superiority" to which Butler would have a chuckle and send another fictitious, humorous barb back at him. [Seen in picture, second from left receiving an award for Lifetime Lasallian education]I also remember he would always come to the Band and Masque shows just if we asked him. We didn't have to hound him like other professors, because one time was enough. He had the interest, empathy, and care of a child--he was so knowledgeable, and yet his demeanor was as if he had everything to learn. At the end of the year, he invited us to a dinner at his home where we talked with him and his wife, finally met Tiger the cat (who was far less ferocious than he fabled the cat to be) and we realized that he's the same man he is at home that he is in the classroom.
The last time I saw Dr. Kerlin was promising. This past year during alumni weekend, I saw him at the big final celebration in the tent on the quad. He came with his wife, and they even danced! It made me so happy because it meant Dr. Kerlin would be back to deliver his fantastic brand of Philosophy to another generation of La Salle students. I've been asking people all year where he was, or how he was. I never got an answer until last night.
I want to share a quote from the Woody Allen movie Crimes and Misdemeanors because he made sure we watched this movie in its totality. The quote is from Woody Allen's character Clifford Stern:
While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.
It sums up the man. He'll have a legacy at La Salle. He'll become mythical as many great professors do. I also hope that they hang a sign over the frozen yogurt machine. Farewell to a great man.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in.
So what would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
Peace and Good Things
Saturday, November 10, 2007
We Can Do It
New Tradition for me: Doing a parody of the Night Before Christmas before every show. As promised, it's now posted. I'm glad people enjoyed hearing it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
'Twas the night before Opening and all through La Salle,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Val.
The lighting was hung on the flys now with care
In hopes that St. Genesius soon would be there.
The actors were nestled all snug in green room
While the prayer had ended, and started "The Zoom."
And Stephan with his kerchief, and I with my cane
Had just settled down, before going insane.
When behind the backdrop there arose such a clatter
I sprang from Amy's couch to see what was the matter
Up to the stage I flew in a hurry,
Hoping Greg had not sustained another injury.
The star drop lit the stage in a dazzling pattern,
As the poor accused Penny of being a slattern.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But Dan Rodden, the ghost of our b'loved theatre.
With a face so distinctive, and belly so round
I knew that our forbearer's trace we had found.
More rapid than cue calls his essence did fly,
As Davey collapsed from another thing gone awry.
"Now Masque! Now fellows! Now brothers in spirit,
On with the show, for you're just about near it!
From the top of the cats, to the flys on the wall
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all!"
And as quickly as SMAD could dole out a sticky
We chose to take places, rather than to be picky.
So up to our marks in a hurry we flew,
With our arms full of props, and our microphones too.
And then in a twinkling, straight out of the pit;
Michael Borton conducted as the preset was lit.
As we all joined hands and wished broken legs,
Dan Rodden flew higher, rising out of the dregs.
The music pressed onward, and John on his sax
Kept the mood very pretty, and the actors relaxed.
The hour was nearing, there was no turning back
Even if Cladwell’s bunny was a bit out of wack.
Borton’s eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His fingers a-flyin’, his nose like a cherry!
His head had been flying to signal the pit
That the overture was closing, and now this was it!
He feverishly plinked upon the keyboard,
And the audience enraptured, could never grow bored!
The pit was on fire, no choice but to rock it,
If only Greg Allen would drop the Hot Pocket.
The overture done, and the air filled with quiet,
The cast in the wings, with anticipation their diet
With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Mike Borton let us know we had nothing to dread;
TJ had noted and Sammy had plotted
Now our Ts were to cross and our Is to be dotted.
Mark spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And the audience turned collectively with a jerk,
And pointing his phallic baton at the crowd,
He said “Welcome to Urinetown,” both booming and loud
He trot down the platforms with an amble of pride
And the show moved along working up in full stride.
What of Rodden, you say? As the play had just started?
“Happy Opening” he said, and the spirit departed.
When everything looked bleak?
What did Sir Edmund say to Tenzing
As they struggled toward Everest's peak?
What did Washington say to his troops
As they crossed the Delaware
I'm sure you're well aware...
Peace and Good Things :-D
Monday, November 05, 2007
Hots For The Smarts
A
s a science major, I have to deal in almost every discipline with the concept of energy. The energy it takes to make a reaction go, the energy it takes to push a block up a ramp, the energy it takes to split an atom. And with energy being so important, we know those who came up with the concepts of energy: Newton, Michaelis, Joule, etc. Energy is the currency of science, by which any movement pays its due. From the grand cosmic ballet to the quantum leap, we analyze motion through energy because it doesn't disappear--it always goes somewhere.
But energy has a more humanistic meaning too. If we're feeling tired, we're lacking the
energy to go through our day. If we over-exert ourselves, we lack the energy to do physical work. And of course, if we're seeming dull or lackluster we need to bump up our energy. As we enter Hell Week--the high holy days of theatrical exhaustion--energy becomes the main concern. Stay healthy, and if you happen to be fortunate enough to be healthy, well you'd better be bouncing off the walls (Not so hard, though! They've been flown in!). So in keeping in touch with my good friend energy, I've decided to create some laws of my own. We've heard "energy is neither created nor destroyed" and "an object at rest stays at rest..." Blah, blah blah. How about something we can use, Newton? Get that through those flowing gray locks.
So here we go we'll move from early to modern: The Laws of Energy according to Doug Phelan:
1. The Law of Annoying Conservation of Energy: Whenst thou need energy, it will never be found. However, when sleep is necessary that lost energy shall emerge in the form of insomnia.
Isn't that always the way? Paper to write, and man I've gotta sleep...but when you're trying to catch up on sleep for some time you'll stay up so late you'll even force an interest in Showtime at the Apollo after SNL (they should really bring Steve Harvey back).
2. The Law of Exponential Glycosylated Madness: Should thou be in dire enough need to consume an "energy beverage," there is an exponential relationship between the number of cans consumed and level of spastic activity.
People: a word of advice. Don't drink energy drinks. I live with folks who drink them every day. I mean if you're hunting for manic-depression then go ahead, but otherwise they will ruin you. When you're done your sugar and taurine binge, you'll crash worse than Britt Reid after a day at home.
3. The Law of Sanity Depletion: As the supply of energy decreases, so to does the individual unit of measurement's concentration of sanity.
Sanity is a precious commodity during hell week, and its only just begun. Ways to maintain sanity include a hobby such as reading, building those tiny ships inside bottles, or banging your head against a flat when you get off stage after dropping lines.
4. The Law of Concentration Threshold: During times at which energy is decreasing at a rate faster than it can be built back up, the concentration of your concentration ([concentration]) will drop during moments you need it (ie that last class I was in?) but remain strong for random unimportant moments (ie that squirrel I saw on the way to that class who was eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup...man that was awesome!)
In this instance, coffee is your friend. To quote Jack McFarlane of Will & Grace: "I've got a monkey on my back, and his name is Juan Valdez!"And finally...
5. The Law of Energy Relativity: Upon observing an individual of low energy while moving at a state of high energy, that person will seem as if they are not moving at all. However, when you crash the next day, that low energy individual will be a beacon of productivity.
Surely enough, as soon as you think you're the one with energy, it will escape you--and then you feel like you're longing for what you used to think was "tired." In short--don't judge--energy works with karma.
So there they are. Abide by these laws of energy as if they come from one of those old folks in the science books. Who knows? Maybe someday when we're all old and gray, my picture will worm its way into those elitist textbooks. No, I wasn't victim of falling fruit--but it doesn't diminish the truth. So be on guard, keep that energy and we can proudly deliver this marathon of a show.
I need a girl with a feel
For Faraday’s wheel
A girl who’ll drool
For Fleming’s Left Hand Rule
Now you may like pin-ups
Of girls who do chin-ups
Like Xena the Warrior Princess
But I’ll take to dinner
My Nobel Prize winner
With plutonium stains down her dress
Peace and Good Things :)
s a science major, I have to deal in almost every discipline with the concept of energy. The energy it takes to make a reaction go, the energy it takes to push a block up a ramp, the energy it takes to split an atom. And with energy being so important, we know those who came up with the concepts of energy: Newton, Michaelis, Joule, etc. Energy is the currency of science, by which any movement pays its due. From the grand cosmic ballet to the quantum leap, we analyze motion through energy because it doesn't disappear--it always goes somewhere.But energy has a more humanistic meaning too. If we're feeling tired, we're lacking the
energy to go through our day. If we over-exert ourselves, we lack the energy to do physical work. And of course, if we're seeming dull or lackluster we need to bump up our energy. As we enter Hell Week--the high holy days of theatrical exhaustion--energy becomes the main concern. Stay healthy, and if you happen to be fortunate enough to be healthy, well you'd better be bouncing off the walls (Not so hard, though! They've been flown in!). So in keeping in touch with my good friend energy, I've decided to create some laws of my own. We've heard "energy is neither created nor destroyed" and "an object at rest stays at rest..." Blah, blah blah. How about something we can use, Newton? Get that through those flowing gray locks.So here we go we'll move from early to modern: The Laws of Energy according to Doug Phelan:
1. The Law of Annoying Conservation of Energy: Whenst thou need energy, it will never be found. However, when sleep is necessary that lost energy shall emerge in the form of insomnia.
Isn't that always the way? Paper to write, and man I've gotta sleep...but when you're trying to catch up on sleep for some time you'll stay up so late you'll even force an interest in Showtime at the Apollo after SNL (they should really bring Steve Harvey back).
2. The Law of Exponential Glycosylated Madness: Should thou be in dire enough need to consume an "energy beverage," there is an exponential relationship between the number of cans consumed and level of spastic activity.
People: a word of advice. Don't drink energy drinks. I live with folks who drink them every day. I mean if you're hunting for manic-depression then go ahead, but otherwise they will ruin you. When you're done your sugar and taurine binge, you'll crash worse than Britt Reid after a day at home.
3. The Law of Sanity Depletion: As the supply of energy decreases, so to does the individual unit of measurement's concentration of sanity.
Sanity is a precious commodity during hell week, and its only just begun. Ways to maintain sanity include a hobby such as reading, building those tiny ships inside bottles, or banging your head against a flat when you get off stage after dropping lines.
4. The Law of Concentration Threshold: During times at which energy is decreasing at a rate faster than it can be built back up, the concentration of your concentration ([concentration]) will drop during moments you need it (ie that last class I was in?) but remain strong for random unimportant moments (ie that squirrel I saw on the way to that class who was eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup...man that was awesome!)
In this instance, coffee is your friend. To quote Jack McFarlane of Will & Grace: "I've got a monkey on my back, and his name is Juan Valdez!"And finally...
5. The Law of Energy Relativity: Upon observing an individual of low energy while moving at a state of high energy, that person will seem as if they are not moving at all. However, when you crash the next day, that low energy individual will be a beacon of productivity.
Surely enough, as soon as you think you're the one with energy, it will escape you--and then you feel like you're longing for what you used to think was "tired." In short--don't judge--energy works with karma.
So there they are. Abide by these laws of energy as if they come from one of those old folks in the science books. Who knows? Maybe someday when we're all old and gray, my picture will worm its way into those elitist textbooks. No, I wasn't victim of falling fruit--but it doesn't diminish the truth. So be on guard, keep that energy and we can proudly deliver this marathon of a show.I need a girl with a feel
For Faraday’s wheel
A girl who’ll drool
For Fleming’s Left Hand Rule
Now you may like pin-ups
Of girls who do chin-ups
Like Xena the Warrior Princess
But I’ll take to dinner
My Nobel Prize winner
With plutonium stains down her dress
Peace and Good Things :)
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